The Final Detail

i should make myself calm down...my god...everytime after watching movie then i'll be like that...and i just can't sit still on the chair! I need a walk in my room, and bring my breathing back to normal. Last time i think is about one month ago, I watched 'Titanic' again...and that's the 4th time I watch it....and oh my, the result is all the same for these 4 times....my tears rolling down and running nose just like a non-stop flowing tap...with great potential energy...and wow...for this time is the another gathering for Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in the movie 'The Revolutionary Road', fortunately I didn't cry...or weeping...just that I felt really uneasy...and the feelings of...i dunno how to describe...but I'm shivering throughout the whole movie, and I felt myself is going to faint...oh my oh my...

actually i dunno how to start...erm...but Leo and kate are just too amazing! Initially I expect the film to be a comedy, but then only I realize that my hypothesis is totally wrong. What a sad movie and sad ending! I expect them to be get along again, but then April died! I dunno whether this is true, becoz there's no obvious sentences saying that she is died...but i guess she may have die...from the look on Leo's face after hearing from a doctor, and from the way he ran all along the street i guess i know what happened edy...i didn't expect the ending to be like this...and i felt myself cold now...

well...there're many argue scenes in this film, and three quarter of them are the argue between Leo and Kate...no no no...actually is between Frank and April...what about arguing with a big man? All i saw is that Frank don't even understand what April thinking of...and...i felt a kind of sympathy for April...the day when she is going to take off her child herself...She said morning to Frank...made breakfast for him...smiling at him while hearing his explanation...help him to tidy up his tie...even though they had a big argue last night...all that happened so accidentally and suddenly...and i guess something is wrong with April...after Frank gone to work, she broke down and cry finally...and that i know what will happen next...she bring two towels and laid them onto the floor of the bathroom...and she shut the door...i wonder if she really make up her mind of taking off her child...but then i saw blood dropping on the floor and...the red stain grew bigger and bigger behind her skirt...and that time...i couldn't speak...i just kept on uttering:"oh my~oh my~"...to my shock...she finally did that...and she is such a brave woman! Throughout this whole movie, I found one of her obvious character, that is, brave...she dare to act according to what she had once said before...she really meant it...in this case, i respect her...i do wish i can be just like her...smile to Frank just like nothing happen...do as what she had once said before...but i'm not...i couldn't be like her...most of the time i'm just like a little mouse...

I felt sorry for Frank, too...ya...he had made mistakes...but not all of them...he is such a big man...and April is such a brave decision-maker...this gives hints to the tragedic ending of this film...april is finally on the road of revolution, but meanwhile, she had paid a great price for it...

I still can't get myself calm down...at least right now...i can feel my heart pumping here and there irregularly, and i guess i will suffer from insomnia tonight...with my brain all stuffed with April and Frank...oh my god...

"Take Me To Your Heart" --- Michael Learns To Rock

Hiding from the rain and snow
Trying to forget but I won't let go
Looking at a crowded street
Listening to my own heart beat

So many people all around the world
Tell me where do I find someone like you girl


Take me to your heart take me to your soul
Give me your hand before I'm old
Show me what love is - haven't got a clue
Show me that wonders can be true

They say nothing lasts forever
We're only here today
Love is now or never
Bring me far away

Take me to your heart take me to your soul
Give me your hand and hold me
Show me what love is - be my guiding star
It's easy take me to your heart

Standing on a mountain high
Looking at the moon through a clear blue sky
I should go and see some friends
But they don't really comprehend

Don't need too much talking without saying anything
All I need is someone who makes me wanna sing

Starry starry night (Vincent)

Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer�s day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colours on the snowy linen land

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they�ll listen now

Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds and violet haze
Reflect in vincent�s eyes of china blue
Colours changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artists� loving hand

Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They did not know how
Perhaps they�ll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left inside
On that starry, starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

Like the strangers that you�ve met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They'�re not listening still
Perhaps they never will...

i wonder why...a friend of u hate u...and u ask him to delete u since he hate u...and after some time...he apologize to u...n add u as friend again...i felt boring and meaningless with this delete-and-add game...very ridiculous and the situation change in the speed so fast that is out of imagination. I still dun know why...

sometimes it's hard to understand how should i survive in this blemished world...n it doesn't seem that u treat others good, then you'll get the same reward...no~absolutely not...depends on the kind of people u met. And so, with the kind of people as kind and gentle as him, and, with the kind of people as evil and pervert like her, i don't think i can stay in peace, until i leave...

and now, the problem came. He add me as his friend again but then i feel hard to press on 'accept'. Quite hard. I dunno what to do at first, when I saw the friend request last night. The result is, I kept staring at the computer screen for nearly 20 minutes but still can't figure out what to do. Finally, I gave up the war of mind struggling and crept into my warm bedding. Only my pillow and Rocorn can give me the kind of consolation i needed.

Well, you know what's mind-struggling? It's almost like a mentally ill, i think, where u can't bear with the situation anymore and u felt urself broken down. That's exactly what I faced last night, and, there're 2 side of me, giving 2 different directions. The angel said:" well, forget all those unhappiness, and you'll find happiness. You do this for peace, it's not only for ur own good, but also others. Accept~Accept~..." While the evil said:" No~dun gave up ur war spirit so easily. Everyone hav to pay for all the things they've done...no exception. Imagine how he treat u before, becoz of her, and ur suffers. You must revenge, for all the things he've done."

But then...Uh-huh~I can't sleep the whole night, and i felt exhausted...My god~~~why you play such a trick on me? I dunno how should i react...cry or smile foolishly, but honestly, both happened simultaneously. And after one night of struggling, i pressed 'accept' finally...but what's on my mind now is that i didn't feel like he's my friend AT ALL...and that troubled me...a people like me...is not the kind of people that can recovered fast, or the kind of people that have harm you before, but then still smiling at you as if she is friendly.

I felt gald that you showed understanding towards my points.

And, consequently, I feel better now...

But then can't you realise that my smile is just FAKE? and mostly, PRETENDING?

I can't figure it out clearly althought it's profoundly...my feelings...

I smile mainly because I want to make myself happy,

No any tradition greeting or opening, I should just straight to the point.

Ya...Even if you punish me for saying unrespectful words to HER...I still have to admit here...I don't like HER. Even though she seems innocent in this whole incident. But overall, SHE won. SHE is the winner, but still I, When I saw her walking and wandering in the classroom, I felt like I'm gong to spit all my breakfast out. When I saw HER face, I felt like I'm getting a 'HEARTBURN'. Well, that seems I have exaggerated the whole story, but that's what I'm thinking of. 

Regarding that comment, erhm...i dunno what are you talking about. There's no point of saying remember me. Remember me for what? For the whole incident? For the entire advices that I had given? Or for the evil spirit and characteristics that I posseses? If that's what you are thinking of, you better forget me then.

I hate to leave in other's memory with evil-imposing character.

And, I dun know why I just can't let all the things go, throw it afar, so far so good. When I see HER sitting in the classroom, behaving like nohing happen, sitting still, living her life, saying words like a smiling angel, but with no guilty in her, herself, I feel like wanna give out a big laugh, just because i felt guilty for myelf. Why? Why should I think that way? Since SHE didn't even feel guilty about that, why should I feel guilty at the back? Am I supposed to be called as a sinner? I don't think so but, SHE made me can't help thinking about that.

I saw a rotten corpse

on the other side of the road

where the wind blowing vigorously

and the flyers everywhere

but i can still see that

哦~~~老天~~~怜悯我这个可怜的小人物吧~~~

我真的很累~~~不想再继续尴尬的冒险游戏~~~

今天和昨天一样，也是笑疯了~惠凌小小的，废到不行的笑话都能让我笑很久~~~

可是~~~欢笑声后，我只感到无尽的落寞~~~

空洞的笑声，让我有种莫名想哭的冲动~~~

唉~各位亲爱的朋友~看来在下要让你们失望了啦~

我之前不是说我的脚伤就快要好了，再过几天就能消肿了吗？

拜托~比登天还难~我的肿块它又越来越大了~~~

最近睡觉也很难~得时常更换姿势，不然的话我的脚还会痛~

唉~不知要等到何年何月我的脚才能完全痊愈~~~~

今天是本人重生第一天啦~~~

还以为重生会有多好玩，原来不过如此。。。

我原以为自己看见他的时候会哭，但是好庆幸，没有诶~~~

这么一来，也就失去了我重生的意义。。。

不过嘛~心里还是多少有些不高兴，尴尬也在所难免~~~